I didn’t think I’d be writing a post on this topic for another 4 months, but here I am. I definitely did NOT want to leave the babies this early. But, due to my own lack of knowledge and understanding that maternity benefits are incredibly ridiculous in public education (and this country), and an exceptionally long, unforeseen 2 months in the hospital waiting for these boys to arrive eating up my FMLA time – I am returning to the classroom next week.
I will probably save my ire for the lack of benefits for teachers in this country for another (much longer) post. But seriously, if you wanna run for president or even governor why don’t you try the TEACHER platform? You can throw in the fights of public education inadequacies in there too. Simply raise teachers salaries and give them benefits that are worth a darn, I’ll vote for you, and I have a feeling 300k+ in the state of Texas or 3.1MM in the US would vote for you too! Oh and I bet with an increased value on the educator profession you’ll even see better results in the classroom as you’ll obtain and retain GOOD QUALIFIED teachers instead of the whack job creeps who are on the news running away with 15 year olds. Ok, tangent fully taken. I guess I didn’t save my opinions for another post.
Back to the topic at hand.
Anxiety. Yep. I’ve got it. I am not ready to leave the boys. I even posed a rhetorical question to my husband yesterday and said “the boys won’t forget me in 18 days, will they?” Of course, I know they won’t. Who do you think is going to be feeding them in the middle of the night? How can they forget me! Ha! But, I think this has to be a real struggle for working moms who are going back to work for the first time. How do you leave them? I’ve had people tell me that I would be ready to go back to work, to get a break, but I’m not! I’m not ready to leave their insane screams for no apparent reason, the dirty diapers, and everything that is new everyday. I want to stay and cuddle them and kiss them for as long as possible before they can be too cool for that. Yeah, it’s 18 days, it’s not going to break me… or them, I know. But I can still worry about it! My anxiety and fear has nothing to do with returning to the classroom and everything to do with what I’m leaving everyday to go there. My teacher side is happy to finish the year with that classroom full of kiddos that walked in last August & to see them on to 5th grade (and to see the amazing progress and transformations I know they’ve all gone through since I’ve been gone), but my mom side is sad that every day I have to leave these little tiny humans I created! I’m sure it’ll get easier after the first couple of days, and the one benefit teachers get that I can’t complain about, I’ll get the entire summer to pick right back up with these munchkins!
Also, I’m going to preemptively apologize to my family and co-workers for the probable breakdown(s) I will have next week, our nanny for the constant texts requesting updates she’ll receive for those 18 days, and the dumb— politicians who created a system where moms get so little time home caring for new babies for the MANY not so nice words I will speak about you – actually I don’t apologize for the last one, at all!!